First Days

The first day was a whirlwind. In the minutes after you died, I just felt relief. I was glad you were at peace, and that the long (and sometimes quite difficult) road was over. I wanted to be there for you through it all, and I am so glad I could be.

But then the craziness started. Call people. Call Hospice. Make a cup of tea. Check on you. Hug people who were coming in. Answer questions. Try to eat some breakfast. By the end of the day, I had had a brief nap, and been to the funeral home. Family and friends were around for dinner, and Renata even spent the night.

I have to admit that I missed the moment the girls discovered you were gone. Someone had whisked me away for a nap. I had told Cora a few days before that you were going to die. We talked it through, and we both cried. They were gone the last night you were with us, and didn't get home until several hours after you died. I absolutely think it was for the best. But that night at bedtime, when they would have usually run out to kiss you goodnight, it hit Cora that you weren't here. She burst into tears, and jumped into Ghin-Ghin's arms. We told her to remember how much you love her, that you'll always be in our hearts, and that you are watching us from heaven. It was heart-breaking though.

Snow was falling when we woke up the next morning. Renata left fairly early, and we had a few brave visitors that morning, but the snow kept falling and it was just me and the girls here all day. That day was a gift from the cosmos (or maybe you?). Instead of more whirlwind, we just had time with each other. I think we watched a lot of movies, and had a lot of cuddles.

The third day was Cora's 7th birthday. We had planned a family party for that weekend, but it ended up just being mostly local family because of the week's events. When the girls got up, they got into bed with me and I told them the story of the day she was born. We even looked at some old pictures. She requested breakfast in bed, and Louise (of course) had to join her. We had a great party, with lots of wonderful people, delicious cake, and pink presents. We even had 6 soccer boys. They came, gave me humongous hugs, bought Cora lots of presents... and then let the girls beat up on them for the rest of the party. They are such good guys, babe, and so patient and kind with the girls. A certain taciturn Englishman told me that they are following in your example... but I think he deserves a little credit too.

It seemed like Cora had a good day. It was a good day. Of course, it was really hard to do it all without you, but it was a good day.