Reflection

I have been mulling over a new post for months. I could just never complete a narrative... never bring my thoughts to some conclusion or direction. So this is a good old status update... where I've been and where I am now. Not too exciting or insightful, but worthy all the same.

I finished my first year of work, but it was touch and go. Sometimes the most basic things were a struggle. But I survived, the girls survived, and my students might have even learned something. I would say that the balance of the year was a success... although maybe only barely. Middle-schoolers seem to appreciate my jokes (at least a little) and some of them actually still like history, so maybe that's my niche. My school family was very supportive and understanding and managed to ignore all the meetings I skipped and balls I dropped. Hopefully this year will be a little easier and I will have my head slightly above the proverbial water.

The girls and I have reached a new level in our relationship. They have suddenly decided that they love me extremely and actually like to tell me about it too. We've had some great adventures this year, and each memory is precious. We met Thomas Jefferson together, went to the Room Where It Happens, fulfilled a dream of mine, and watched a whole lot of football/soccer. I still don't know where I'd be without them and I hope every day that I can be the mother they need me to be.

And for me, I've gained a new appreciation for the journey I'm on. I have realized I have to figure out how to be me again. Not the me I was before I was married, but a new one who is the compilation of all those mes that have come before. (I'll refer to my previous post about widow-lescence) It has taken me nearly three years to learn how to make decisions on my own. I was just so used to having Tony to discuss things with that I lost confidence in decisions I made. I'm better at it now. So there are all these little pieces that are very slowly moving into place... and I'm trying to remember that it just takes time. At the end of this year, I'll complete my 40th trip around the sun... time to settle in, appreciate all I have, all that I have lost, and sit back to see what happens next.